Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
