Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
A+ Viking dick
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
