god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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