how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
