is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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