The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
