How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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