She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
