I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
