Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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