WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
