i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
