Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
smell my finger.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Found the puke drawer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
