I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
