he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The air was thick with penises
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
did i just pee glitter
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
