Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
