If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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