we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
