Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
