Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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