I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
