Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize