I wish I could punch you in the face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
