so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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