I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
