She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
