i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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