i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
