I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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