Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Duck Duck Cougar?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have aggressive nipples.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
