i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
