Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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