opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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