dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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