if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
