Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
