$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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