Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
