I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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