when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
