i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
