I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
