I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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