But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
