you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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