I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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