party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need moral support for this bender
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
