if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
