What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
