I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
