Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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