ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
