I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
