I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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