And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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