i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
third nipple confirmed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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