Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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