I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
