Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
