Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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