Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
