Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize