def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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