wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
