trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
