she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
