That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
