how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
