I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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