Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
high people should be assigned attendants
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
