On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
