Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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