Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
