Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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