He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
