How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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