I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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