Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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