masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize