ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
