so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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