This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
