Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
