OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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