he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
